Shane's Fanfiction

Scratch my deck, scar my heart

            It seemed to me that the car ride was longer than necessary. Most likely the result of the pit stop we made so Joe and Kevin could "use the restroom". Fuck them both. Rubbing it my face that they could have a relationship; though it was secret. I didn't care, I wanted that. With him, my twin. The boy I spent every waking moment tormenting but deep down I just wanted to hold him. I could never do that, keeping up this charade is hard enough without him knowing my secret feelings.

            "How fucking long does it take?!" he mumbled. I wasn't sure if he was talking to me or himself, but then again why would he talk to me.

            "Who knows?" I answer without really thinking about it. He glanced at me through his long dark hair. Looking surprised and confused at the same time. The car fell silent again and he looked back out the window. The scenery rushed past as the city turned to mountainous terrain.

            "Mason, would you mind rooming with Nick-o here?" Kevin asked turning to face the boy. I pretended not to pay attention as they seemed to have a conversation with there eyes and body motions. Kevin seemed to win and turned back around with a wink leaving Mason glaring and pouty.

            "What are you looking at?" He asked looking at me again.

            "Nothing." I lied after finally being caught staring at him. It actually happened a lot later than I had expected.

            "Stop staring at me, it's creepy." He told me. I instantly looked away, staring at the back of Kevin's curly head.

            "At least I'm not queer." I mumbled. He must have heard me; his eyes were burning into me so hot I thought I was going to come out with third degree burn. "Now who's the one staring?"

            "Go to hell." He mumbled.

            "I'm already there.

perfect eyes reflected in an ugly mirror

            The prince is right where we left him in the attic. Only things are slightly different. It seems Prince Joseph has found an old mirror standing in the corner. Carefully he cleans off the glass, as if it would break into smithereens at his touch. He can see his less than perfect more than average features now.

            His eyes didn't gleam as much as his siblings, nor was his hair as bouncy. His face was a bit too thin and his nose a bit too large. Everything was just a little bit off. Just enough to make him, not perfect. But never average.

            Cleaning off the rest of the mirror and the white gold frame it was encased it he noticed an engraving. "Por el espejo." he read out loud in confusion. What was that supposed to mean? "Por el espejo." he tried to say it differently seeing if it would make a difference. "Por el espejo." He whispered to himself.

            Then he noticed something strange happening, the colors reflected in the glass began to bleed into each other. Swirling around like a vortex. Joseph watched in awe as the reflection faded and was replaced by a new scene. A boy sitting with his back against the wall, his black clothing made a nice contrast with the yellow walls. It reminded the prince vaguely of a bee. Joseph started at the boy noticing the big black round things covering his ears. The prince could almost here the harsh shrieks of guitars.

            "Poor boy," The prince whispered to himself when he noticed black streaming from the boy's eyes. "He must be broken." Leaning in carefully to get a better look at the boy he reached up to balance himself on the glass. Almost instantly he shot back away when a ripple shot over the glass distorting the view of the boy. The prince stared wide eyed at the mirror, almost afraid to touch it again. He waited nervously for the picture to even out once more.

            What if he never saw the boy again? It shouldn't matter he didn't belong in this world. Something about the boy captured Joseph's attention. The boy wasn't perfect but something about him was; his eyes. Joseph couldn't keep his eyes off those beautiful orbs that oozed out a black liquid. How can something that amazing do something so vile?

            With out even realizing what he was doing, Joseph reach out and touched the mirror; only this time he managed to stick his whole hand in. Shocked by this discovery he put his arm in and soon his whole body through the mirror. A sense of calm washed over his body as he felt like he was floating in a cramped dark space. There was a light above him and he reached for it.

            Calm turned to panic at the prince tumbled into the boy's world. He looked around and saw the mirror he had fallen out of. He looked exactly the same, save for his clothing which was now mostly black and somehow along the way the title 'prince' became insignificant.

            "Who the fuck are you?" The boy shot up the big round black things had been shed from his ears and his eyes had stopped leaking. Joseph smiled politely at him. "How did you come out of my mirror?"

            "What does this word 'fuck' mean?" Joseph had never heard the word before; being from a perfect world, such as his, such profanity did not exist.

            "What?!" The boy asked frantically.

            "That word, what does it mean?" Joseph asked again thinking the boy didn't hear him. The boy heard him alright, and was pissed as hell.

            "I…" The boy started at a loss for words. "Don't have time for this." The boy ran a hand through his hair sighing deeply. "Just tell me your name and the name of the sanitarium you escaped from." Joseph smiled cocking an eyebrow at him.

            "My name, good sir, is Joseph Von Wilkinson and what is your name?" The boy stared at him for a few moments before sighing even louder than before.

            "Nick--olas Jonas." Joseph smiled even wider. "Why the hell do you smile so much?"

            "Is there something to be sad about?" Joseph asked cocking his head to the side.

            "I guess not…" Nicholas thought for a long moment but came up with nothing. He was going to have to deal with the strange overly happy guy in his room. The one who came out of his mirror. "Is there something to be happy about?" He retorted hoping to wipe the joyous smile off of the intruders face. Joseph thought. And thought. And thought.

            "I guess not." He repeated Nicholas's answer, the smile slowly fading from his face. He never really knew why he smiled so much, when he knew nobody really cared about him. They both had a lot to learn.    

Let's see you nosegrind at 3 o'clock in the fucking morning

            His laughter was really starting to piss me off. For the third time that morning I had tried to nosegrind down the rail. What else is there to do at 3 in the morning? Or right, SLEEP! Apparently my parents have forgotten what that concept is as they insisted leaving at 3:30 for the cabin.

            He continued to mock me as I lifted myself to my feet. Even in the near complete darkness I could still see the scratches on my arm. A few of which were bleeding. Mumbling curses to myself I kicked the board up into my hand and carried it back un the stairs then threw it into the backseat or Joe's car.

            "Giving up so soon?" Nick smirked at me. At that moment I hated him. And I could sense that he felt it. It's not a twin thing, I was radiating anger. He looked nervous as he should. I stepped forward and he instantly stepped back.

            "You," I took another step, he stepped back. "Try," another step. "To nosegrind," another step. "At 3 o'clock," another. "in the," another. "fucking morning." I had him almost completely backed up against the wall. He was petrified and it read all over his face. I was about to punch him out when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

            "He gets it Mase." Joe. Instantly I felt all my anger and energy drain from my body. "Go wait in the car." I did as he said, not willing to pick a fight with him. That wouldn’t be a fun time. Nick, Nick I could take but Joe was…scary. I sat in the car next to my skateboard, my legs pressed to my chest as I watched Joe yelling at Nick. Hugging my legs tighter I rested my chin on my knees wishing to know what Joe was telling Nick. I trusted Joe with my life but what if he said something that would give away my secret? Sometimes he just doesn't think things through. Not his best quality.

            "Mason."

            "Hey Kevin." I said absent mindedly as I continued to stare out the window. Wait a second…"Kevin?"
            "Sup dude?" He smirked at me through the rear view mirror. "Didn't know I was coming did you?" I shook my head no as he fixed his hair. "Yeah, Joe can't handle you and Nick up in the woods for a weekend. So they called in reinforcements." I knew that was a lie and he knew that I knew that was a lie. He could give a shit about protecting Nick from me or vice versa. He was here to see Joe, and solely Joe. That's why he was obsessively checking his hair, that's what he did when he was anticipating something. I almost wish I didn't know what.

            A few minutes later Joe was behind the wheel smiling as soon as he saw Kevin. Nick sat next to me in the back pressed up against the door. As far away from me as possible and right now I wouldn’t have it any other way.   

Title:  Train Tracks and a Looking Glass
Pairing:  Nick/Joe
Rating: PG-13 ( for now )

(un)Just reality?

            Turn on the radio station to the one that plays that redundant emo song over and over again. Listen carefully to the lyrics until they get stuck in your head; even the parts where the lead singer screams about how much his life sucks. Then after you sit there are try to reason with the band that life can't be that bad, and then you realize you're talking to your radio and stop.

            That same song could be used to describe our victim. He slinks about the earth, hiding on the wall. You see, this boy is a nothing special 15 year old whose dreams have been crushed by the cruel world. His family and (ex)best friends have tried to save him, but he just shut the world out. They say he was just looking for attention, when in reality he was just sick and tired of everyone's bullshit.

            He spent most of his time on the floor of his room, blaring his records to escape the noise of the corrupt city. Always wearing headphones though to not upset his parents, who already hate him enough. They used to love him though, when he was a carefree Nick instead of the emotion wreck Nicholas. Nick used to go out on weekends with his friends and the occasional date. Nicholas locks himself in his room every night and fights to stay inconspicuous at school.

            His older brother watched him changing and tried to stop it. Apparently all of the Jonas' fail in the end. Their younger brother would learn that the hard way someday. But in the mean time, our victim is Nicholas; Paul missed his chance when he was still pretending to be Kevin.  

            We find out victim in the promising spot of up against the wall. His head in his hands and that emo song blasted in his ears.  The loud violent tune leaking from the headphones filled the room with a soft droning of guitars. His eyes were bleeding water that stained his face and hands.

            "What the fuck is wrong with me?" He whispered staring at his hands. He looked around his small dirty room. Records, tapes and cds littered the floor and strange drawings, paintings and posters covered the dark yellow walls. It was horribly clustered but he didn't care. His old dusty mirror leaned up against the wall directly across from him. His reflection showed him no mercy, well at least in his eyes. Especially when the dark coal under his eyes smudges with his tears leaving him a mess.

            He fucking hates it. He wants to escape this miserable life. He just needed someone to escape to.  

Title: If You Were Gay

Pairing: Nick/Shane ( aka me! )

Rating: R                                                       

A/N: MUWHAHAHAHA! This was inspired by the Broadways show Avenue Q and a friend of my girlfriends one-shot…

If You Were Gay

A nice car drive and a remote location to settle ones nerves; nerves that wouldn’t even exists if it wasn’t for the boy sitting next to me. He wasn't half as nervous as I was and he had just played what could possibly be the most important show of his life; the one where he may or may not get signed to the big record label and yet he had a huge grin on his face, practically glowing as he gushed about the show. I too wore a dorky smile, because he was just so excited. It's contagious.

 "…and then when I was standing on the boxy thing everyone was looking at me! It was so cool!" My smile grew wider and I gripped the steering wheel with my sweat hands, afraid they might slip off. "I just wish Alysia could have been there." And just like that, I was down again. Damn him for being so…him. Maybe just once I could have a shot with someone I actually cared about. Like him. He was just so beautiful inside and out. It's hard not to fall for him. To bad someone else got to him first. "What'd you think Shane?" I almost didn't hear his question I was so deep in thought.

"About what?" I asked not taking my eyes off the road. If I were to look at him, there might be an accident.

"The show!" I didn't have to look at him to know he was smiling like a fool. I forgot about Alysia for a moment and smiled. He was still my best friend and nothing could stop that.   

"It was awesome." An understatement but I couldn't tell him what I really thought without giving myself away. "Best show I've ever seen!"

"Really?" He asked hopefully. Something that always confused me about him, even though he always seemed so happy and confident he had an undying need to be accepted and do everything right. Honestly, I don't think he's ever done anything wrong.

"Yes Nick, really. I wouldn't lie to you." Most of the time. I hated lying to him but I wasn't about to come out in this whole clichéd speech about how much I'm in love with him and how he hates me now. No not going to happen.

"I have a question." He told me losing some of the adrenaline. "It's a strange kinda random question. I don't even know why I'm bringing it up. I just heard Kevin and Joe talking about it earlier and I thought 'hey maybe I should ask Shane!' So hear I am asking you the question that my stupid brothers put into my head and the only way to get it out is to ask you, but I can't seem to get the question out because I'm rambling so much and, take a left here."

"What?" I asked confused.

"Take a left!" He shouted. I did as I was told and took the sharp left. We ended up on a dirt road that led to an open field.

"Why exactly did we do that?" I asked finally looking at him after I parked the car. He looked out the window quickly before getting out of the car. I followed suit and was shocked when he took off running. "Nick!" I yelled slamming my door. Groaning loudly I took off after him. The night was dark and it was hard to see where  I going let alone spot Nick wearing mostly black. "Nick!" I scanned the landscape trying to locate my insane best friend. Where the hell could he- "Fuck!"

"Dude what the hell?" Nick asked as I fell over him.

"Why are you sitting on the ground?"

"Why are you falling on me?" Falling for you is more like it. I sat up and positioned myself next to him. He stared up at the stars almost like he forgot I was there. I took the time to notice the way his eyes twinkled in the light. It was beautiful.

"So," I started trying to break the silence that was driving me mad. "What's with this little escapade?"

"Escapade?" He cocked an eyebrow and looked at me. I nodded smiling slightly. "I don’t really know to be honest."

"I see." Was I confused? Hell yeah. Was I gonna press? Nope. "So wasn’t there a question you were going to ask me?" He opened his mouth as if to say something, smiling he looked down at his lap. After a few more seconds he looked back up at me.

            "Earlier before the show, Joe and Kevin were talking about you." He said quietly. "They said you might be…gay." I was shocked. Am I really not that good at hiding it?

            "Uh.." I started. "I'm not." Great Shane, lie to him more.

            "You're not?" He asked twice as shocked as I was. "Really? I always thought you were."

            "What?"

            "Don't be offended Shane." He touched my arm slightly to calm me. "It's just…wow. But if you were gay, that'd be okay."

            "Oh God, don't start!" I warned him as he sang the last part.

            "I mean cause, hey," He sang in his angelic voice. "I'd like you anyway!"

            "You need to stop listening to your Avenue Q soundtrack." I told him.

            "Because you see, if it were me, I would feel free to say that I was gay!" He smiled.

"But you're not gay?" I questioned making him smile. "Will you stop now?
"If you were queer," I guess not. "I'd still be here," It might just be my imagination but Nick was leaning in closer to me. "Because I am too."

"I don't think those are the lyrics." I whispered when his lips were almost just barely touching mine.

"It's the remix." He told me pressing his lips firmly against mine. My body reacted in the only way it knew how, pinning him down against the earth. "I thought you weren't gay." Nick smirked as we pulled away to take a breath. Smirking I leaned down to kiss him furiously. Running my tongue along his bottom lip he let me slide it into his gorgeous mouth. His hands ran up my chest and he pushed me back, rolling on top of me. "Liar." He lowered his head to my neck, grazing it slightly with his lips. "Do you know what I do to liars?" I could feel my pants tightening just from his warm breath on my neck. All I could manage to do was shake my head. Feeling him smirk against my neck he bit down roughly eliciting a throaty moan from me. Adjusting his body quickly he lay his pelvis flush against mine making me groan with the contact.

"God, Nick." The words escaped my mouth in a rushed whisper as he rocked back and forth on my groin. He couldn't deny he wasn't enjoying this as much as I was. I could feel him rock hard through his skinny jeans. "Nick…just, take me..now."

"Patients my dear Shane." He smirked sucking hard at the bite. It was getting harder to breathe and I felt like I was about to explode. Smirking I flipped us over so I was on top again.

"You know I have none of that." Kissing him passionately my fingers played with the hem of his shirt. Too impatient to listen for his consent I lifted it up over his head. Taking mine off right after so our chests could have contact. He didn't seem to mind; in fact his hands ran over every inch of my bare chest and back as we kissed. His fingers left a trail through the middle of my chest down to the top of my (way) too tight jeans. He broke the kiss while slipping his hand in.     

"Just because you're on top," Nick whispered into my ear as his warm hands gripped me. "Doesn’t mean you're in charge."

Title:  Train Tracks and a Looking Glass

Pairing:  Nick/Joe

Rating: PG ( for now )

Train Tracks and a Looking Glass

Just a fairytale?

This story is a clichéd fairytale with a not so clichéd twist. It's not going to start with a 'once apon a time' cause that's just too redundant, nor will it likely have a happy ending. However, the beginning of this story does take place in a world unfamiliar to most. A world beyond the looking glass…Lets take a closer look, shall we?

Like most fairytales the hero is a prince who lives in a castle with his parents and seven brothers and sisters. The kingdom was quite different from what we know. Everything was so neat and orderly. Everyone was so nice and polite. Some might say that this world was down right perfect. Well, everything except for two things: our hero and the attic in the palace.

Yes, our hero prince Joseph, the only unhappy being in the kingdom. Even the deer being hunted for food could be arguably happier than the prince. He spent most of his time in the dusty old attack. He was allergic to all the dust and incredibly afraid of spiders, but it was the only place he felt like he fit.

His parents began to worry about his constant disappearances. The kings and queen knew one day he would rule their kingdom and worried even more. How could they crown a king who might disrupt the perfect balance they had worked to create? They tried to make him happy, throwing extravagant balls hoping he might meet the love of his life and be happy.

The prince found fault in all the girls that fell over him. Not that they weren’t appealing because he knew that they were. They were as perfect as the rest of the kingdom. The reason they fell all over him was not because they truly loved him, actually they barely found him all that attractive. It was the fact he was the next to be crowned. Joseph's four brothers were the ones everyone was in love with. So handsome and charming. Mostly handsome with muscles to match. People in this world are quite shallow and rather vain. But they can be, because they're perfect.

Prince Joseph barely liked to look at himself in the mirror, let alone stare at himself half the day like his family and the rest of his kingdom. Even though he was the first born, his siblings, parents and subjects could mock him. He didn't understand why till he hit the promising age of thirteen. He just wasn't as perfect as everyone else, though he wasn't average.

We find our hero in the attic staring out of the giant window. The beautiful perfect landscape held an empty satisfaction for the prince. He wanted something outside the walls of the palace. Outside of this perfect world. He wanted more. So much more..

I'll fix your axle if you stay the hell out of my daydreams

            Fourth period. Bio. The clock ticked by slowly. Teasing me. He turned around and looked at me. A surprising move considering he never paid much attention to me unless I do something stupid. Standing up quickly he made his way over to me. He stood in front of me smirking. What was he about to do? Climbing on top of the lab table sitting seductively. Why was he doing this to me?

            "Mason?" He asked biting his lip. Leaning down I thought he might actually…

            "Mason?!" Patrick shook me violently.

            "Wah?" I asked looking at him confused. Then I noticed our bio teacher Ms. Roy standing in front of us. A sarcastic smile plastered on her face.

            "I'm sorry Mr. Jonas." She said. "Is my lesson getting in the way of your daydream time?"

            "No ma'am." I answered quietly sinking down in my seat, praying for the bell to ring. He turned around glancing at me laughing with his friends. At me most likely.

            "Mr. Nicholas," Ms. Roy said in a high warning voice. "Let's not be laughing at your brother, you do plenty of daydreaming yourself." His eyes widened and his ears turned bright red, just as they do when he gets embarrassed. It's so cute annoying.  

            "Dude the bell rang." Patrick told me. Once again I was spaced out staring at Nick. What did you expect?

            "What’s wrong with me?" I asked Patrick as we walked down the hall to lunch. He shrugged. Patrick was defiantly not the bestest friend to have. He's the kinda friend that would watch you get beat up, the kinda friend that if you got hit by a car he'd just walk away. So why do I hang out with him? He doesn't walk away.

location: home.

mood: accomplished

music: Three Days Grace - Riot

Title: Teardrops on my Guitar [a jonascest songfic]

Pairing: one sided Joe/Nick, side Nick/Kevin (you = Nick)

Rating: PG 

You look at me, I fake a smile so you won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet he's beautiful, that boy you talk about
And he's got everything that I have to live without

Sneaking around, peaking through doors not quite closed. I saw you and him. He was beautiful, just as you described him, but I've known that for years now. What confuses me is why you didn't tell me it was him. Why him? Why not me? I know I don't look as good as he does, but I'm there for you more. Doesn't that mean anything?

Every time I see you two in the hall together, I guess I just over looked the glances you gave each other, when I was so focused on your beauty. I would just fake a smile because you notice me staring and walk away before I could see anything.

You talk to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when you're with me
You says your so in love, you've finally got it right,
I wonder if you know you're all I think about at night

            Laughing in vain at a joke that isn't even funny, because you expect me too. It gets funnier too because you tell how much you're in love and you have no idea I know who with. Even more hilarious: it's killing me.

            Every night I fall asleep watching you lay there. Listening to you breathing. It might be a bad thing that we share a room. Well, for me anyways. Slowly it's tearing apart my insides while you go about blissfully ignorant. Can I expect anything else from you though?

You're the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star

You're the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Letting my inhibitions go only when I write songs for you. The tears fall just as quickly as the words spill out of my heart and the cords leak from my fingers. You are, and always have been, my beautiful inspiration.

The cords floating out of my fingers are your laughter, the tears falling from my eyes is the blood dripping out of my broken heart. A heart broken for you. Not by you though, never. You’re too sweet to do that.

You walk by me, can you tell that I can't breathe?
And there you go, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
He'd better hold you tight, give you all his love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know he's lucky

My breath hitches in my throat when ever you walk by. Flawless in everyway possible. Like the boy you love. He's almost as perfect as you are. Almost being the key word. Nothing could compare to you, love.

All those nights you "fell asleep" "watching television", he better have held you close. Kept you warm, cause I know how you get cold when you sleep. He better hold you tight, but not enough to hurt. I know how fragile you are. He better sooth those nightmares that have haunted you since you were little. Just like I used to, till you fell in love with him.

So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put your picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

It's another one of those nights, when you stay with him. But you're still staring at me in the darkness. That aging picture of you and me from when we were younger. Back when you would come to me, instead of him. Turning out the light doesn't seem to dull the glisten in your eyes from the reflection of the midnight stars.

Sliding the picture down to stare at the oak nightstand. Maybe with out you staring at me you wont haunt my dreams. Then maybe, possibly (is it even likely?) I might be able to fall asleep.

You're the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
You're the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
You're the time taken up, but there's never enough
And you're all that I need to fall into..

                You sit there, eyes intent on me as I play the song for. It's a shame you don't know it's about you. You remain blissfully ignorant as he realizes why I'm staring at you and only you as the song progresses and the words spill robotically out of my mouth. He doesn't like it. It's easy to tell without even looking at him. He radiates negative energy in my direction. Lovely.

                Later that night my guard disappears as I approach you. It's now or never and I don't think I could wait that long. I'll spill my heart out to you and maybe, just maybe, not get my heart broken. You know enough about me to soften the blow anyway. Though will it soft his when he finds out? I don't care anymore. I just need to let you know: when you look at me; I fake a smile so you won't see…

mood: aggravated

Title: Skinned Knees and Broken Hearts

Pairing: Nick/omc, Joe/?

Rating: PG-13 ( for now! )

kickflips and good dreams

            Jump. Flip. Slip. Trip. Fall. Pain. Fuck. Their laughter rang in my ears, taunting. My anger lifted me off the ground. I needed to get it right. Show all of them I could. I wasn’t that good for nothing emo kid they all thought I was. I will prove it them, myself and him. Mostly to him myself.

            Snatching my board, that had rolled a few feet away. I just need to get on, kick, push and stay on my feet through the impossible stunt. And hopefully not kill myself in the process. There is no safety when you're as klutzy as I am. For anyone.

            My legs shaking. Standing awkwardly on the board. Its not like this was the first time I had ever been on one. Just the first time in front if him. Usually, I'm pretty descent. Good even.  But when he's around I get all nervous and my mind goes blank and everyone forgets that I can be good and mock me. I hate them all. Except him. I could never hate him.

            I attempt the jump, once more. Trying to forget he was there. There was no need to impress anyone. It was only me and my board. Me, my board and the wind. That's all I really needed. Those two things could keep me going forever. He was just a nice addition. Without even realizing it I stuck my landing. Staying on my feet. Claps and cheers reached my ears as I small smile appeared on my face. Looking around the small crowd I noticed him. A smirk spread across his perfect face. He was watching me. Only me. For once in my miserable life I was finally the center of attention. For a good reason.

            What's this? He's walking over to me? This can't be right. He's leaning in. Is he about to kiss me? What the fuck is that annoying beeping?...

            "Fuck you!" I yelled at my alarm clock. "You woke me up from another dream. How dare you?" The damn hunk of plastic continued to beep at me. I felt my eye twitch. Hitting it roughly it stopped beeping. I buried my head under my pillow hoping to fall back into that dream.

            "Mason!" Goddamn it.

            "Go away mom." My voice was muffled by the pillow and I wasn’t sure if she understood me.

            "I can't do that; you need to get ready for school. You're going to be late. Again." Gag me. I grounded loudly and snuggled deep into my blankets. "Are those kids at school making fun of you again? Is that the reason you don't want to go?"

            "Mom!" I yelled as she pulled the pillow off my head. "No, that is not it."

            "I can call the school, would you like me to do that?"

            "Mom! It's fine! I just want sleep." I told her snatching my pillow back.

            "Well that’s too bad!" She chirped. "You can have sleep next weekend."

            "Why?" I cocked an eyebrow.

            "Don't you remember?" Yeah right, I would forget my own name if I didn't have to write it on everything. "We're spending this weekend up at the lodge." Goddamn, that’s right. I was going to be sharing a room with him. It would be wonderful, if he didn't hate my guts.

            I coughed pathetically. "I'm sick."

            "Nice try." She smiled pulling me up out of bed. I groaned again. "Get ready before your brother leaves without you."

            "If he does can I skip school?" I asked hopefully. She shook her head dashing my dreams. "Damn." She just rolled her eyes and walked away.

            "Will you hurry up?" My brother Joe snapped standing in the door way as I fought to get my shoes on. I glared at him as I tried to catch my balance. That never worked, I ended up tripping over my own feet falling on my ass. He shook his head and rolled his eyes before walking out the door. Mumbling more curse words I stood up and abandoned my converse and slipping on my vans. What didn’t I do that in the first place? Idiot!

            I ran out the door as fast as I could and jumped into Joe's car. "Are you ready now?" He asked annoyed. I nodded giving him my sweetest smile, the one I knew he couldn't stay mad at. He cocked a small smiled and backed out of the driveway. [i]He[/i] was always jealous of me and Joe. We were close, much closer than they were. Joe knew all my secrets and I knew his. It was part of the reason he hated me. The other reason was because I am gay.

            "Yippy. School." Joe laughed at my sarcastic comment.

            "Hey, if anyone gives you any shit come find me." He told me, like every morning. "I'll show them whose little bro to mess with!"

            "Thanks Joey." I smiled. I was the only one who could call him that without getting punched. That's how tight we were. He knew the real me that no one else bothered to get to know. He didn't judge me. Just accepted me for me. Never asked for anymore or less. We trusted each other. What surprises me is that I'm not in love with Joe, not like I am him. My twin brother. The boy who hates me more than anything. Man was I fucked.